I know how frustrating dating can be when girls men give mixed signals. Especially when it does not pan out the way you want it. I noticed this A LOT in social circles.
I’ve had many situations, in my early pre-pick up stages, where I would swear the girl must romantically like me based on the amount of attention she gave me and I was WRONG. In fact, in social circle it’s more difficult to tell how the girl really feels about you since she is more comfortable with you as friends. Even in stranger approaching, when I tried the first generation pickup, it was really hard to know where I stood with the girl. Even when they met me on DATES after I went DIRECT and told them I liked them; they still ended up just wanting to “take things slow” or “let’s be friends first”. There was no clear metric for me to be able to determine how romantically into me they were.
The truth is, a girls attraction for you in the early stages will be subconscious (aka hind-brain attraction) many of the times. That explains the mixed signals they give us. The problem with subconscious attraction is that they don’t know that they are attracted to you. Subconscious attraction (hind-brain) is VOLATILE. That’s why stranger approach is very difficult because even when you do create attraction, it will fade away very quickly unless you generated a ‘romantic connection’ with her before parting ways.
If the girl is in your social circle then you have a major advantage since you can see her easily over-and-over again and simply wait for easy openings to game her gradually until she feels drawn to you. In stranger approaching, you will have to convert her attraction from subconscious to conscious attraction ( aka Fore-brain ). This means that she is aware that she truly wants you romantically. This is what the romantic connection is all about. If she knows she likes you, she will ACT like she likes you: Hense she will…
-return your calls,
-think about you a lot more
-Make it easy for you to seduce her
– etc etc etc.
So eventually, what I am essentially doing with my game is first UNDERSTANDing how to generate SUBCONSCIOUS ATTRACTION ( VERY IMPORTANT) and then I make it into CONSCIOUS ATTRACTION. In a stranger approach this is what should be done before parting ways, since hind brain attraction alone is not enough for her to see you again to even give you a chance ti meet her again. With out being able to get it to her forebrain, you will forever play the pure brutal ‘numbers game’.
Here is my boy Swoozie ranting about how women are… He is not into game or anything. This is just him explaining how girls never know what they want. (His view is through a ‘social circle’ lens)
The truth is this. No man in his right mind can be confident in every interaction. Even the so called ‘naturals’ ONLY GAME WHEN THEY FEEL LIKE THE MOOD AND SETTING IS RIGHT. That’s why many of my natural friends will LOSE ALL THE TIME in random stranger approaching. If you are into approaching random women/girls who are strangers, you will have gotten many rejections (i.e. not leading to sexual relationship).
It’s hard to tell yourself, ” I CAN GET ANY GIRL I WANT”. Because when you inevitably don’t get the girl you wanted, your mind will pick up on the fact that it isn’t true. Hence you become more sensitive and emotional. SO the SOLUTION IS TO NOT STRIVE FOR CONFIDENCE… it is to BE INDIFFERENT. It is the most realistic way of mentally surviving the journey.It also allows you to be more practical and to handle situations better.
To sum things up… Indifference ( in this context) means you do not care whether you get that particular girl. It also means that you are happy with or without her.
I would like to first start by reminding you readers that the whole field of stranger approaching is still still in it’s infancy. What does this mean? This means on a scientific level where things are broken down from approaching a stranger to having a sexual relationship with them.
In regards to day time stranger approaching, I remember hearing many guru’s repeat the notion that approaching a girl directly will give you inherent attraction since not much people approach girls randomly in day time scenarios.
Again, this is not to lash out on any of these guru’s because I too am constantly refining my theories in the dating field as time progresses and as I learn and teach more. This is simply a theory that needs to be debunked for these reasons…
– It is sometimes good to think in reverse… If a woman that you were not attracted to approached you in the day time, will she become alot more attractive for you to want to be her boyfriend? ANSWER= NO
-Girls DO get approached from normal people in many different ways. Especially through situational openers. Some guys in the Seduction Community seemed to believe that they were the only people who try to pick up girls in day time environments. This is rubbish. Normal people use situational openers to attempt to start conversations with attractive girls ALL THE TIME. eg “do you know how long this bus ride will be, it feels like its been forever…” This has been the common sense way to start conversations for decades.
– If approaching girls in the daytime really helped people, there would have been MUCH more success with day game by many of day game practitioners.
– I live in New York and have been picking up women for YEARS. It took me a long time to get consistent results (meaning meet to sex) with the Higher Caliber and the Higher Quality women. If it was true that by me approaching alone gave me automatic attraction, then it would not have take me so long to finally get the results I wanted.
– I have been coaching in New York City for just over 2 years and have had MANY clients. I met other day gamers out in the popular day game areas such as Central Park, Union Sq, Soho, Columbus circle and more. ALL will confirm the level of difficulty getting girls home with you doing day game “approaching”
-It does not matter if you went direct or indirect, it does not mean you have generated attraction in the girl. All it means is that you can have a quick conversation with them and then try and game them.
– As a matter of fact, many girls are not always receptive in New York due to many street salesmen and promoters and homeless people that “bother” them while walking.
The only good thing about approaching is to get the opportunity to run your game on her and see where it goes, it DOES NOT generate any significant form of attraction.
“Justin, what do you do about disrespectful behavior? Such as girls not texting in a normal time frame or making excuses when it comes to meeting up. Not be confused with girls who have no intentions of meeting up, but girls who do want to meet but is putting you as option B rather than A.You never discuss this any of your material but we all know it occurs way too often. Being a guy who is great seducer and is fun to be around is great but I feel the guy the girls respect is more important. Please give us some insight on how you react when a girl does this to you.”
Good question. Whether you are a womanizer or a respectable guy it all boils down to the same thing.
In terms of the girl always seeming too busy but still talking to you…Those are called the ‘maybe’ girls.
This is the problem with ‘maybe’ girls. They are time wasters. It has nothing to do with them respecting you. It has to do with them not having a ‘romantic connection’ with you before exchanging numbers. Assuming that she is not in your social circle, the likelihood of a ‘maybe’ girl deciding to move forward with you after exchanging numbers is extremely low. That’s why people who play the numbers game have low percentages of success while doing stranger approaching. They collect many phone numbers from the ‘maybe’ girls. Naturally she is never too sure about whether she wants to meet a stranger or guy she doesn’t really know and it rarely leads to anything romanic.
What I teach in The Domino Effect is about converting the ‘maybe’ girls to ‘yes’ girls in the initial interaction BEFORE parting ways and exchanging numbers.This can work on SOME ‘no’ girls as well if you are advanced in successful stranger approaching. That’s the only way to handle phone problems with girls. Phone Tactics generally do not work on ‘maybe’ girls as you have experienced. *In some cases where you felt it may of work, it is very possible that there was a romantic connection before even getting on the phone and she was probably already a ‘yes’ girl.
In stranger approaching, or even mild social circles, ‘maybe’ girls will mostly choose ‘NO’. Why? Well, if she does not really know you that well the odds are against you. She will choose no in the end.
ENGAGING ‘MAYBE’ GIRLS IS ONLY USEFUL IN FACE-TO-FACE INTERACTIONS. NOT ON THE PHONE.
That’s the beautiful thing about The Domino Effect. It’s about creating a ‘romantic connection’ before parting ways. Therefore, the ‘no’ and ‘maybe’ girls then become ‘yes’ girls. Once you have that romantic connection with her, she will definitely see you again and return your call just like every other woman that is romantically interested in a guy.
This is why you should never aim for her phone number. It is much easier to get a ‘maybe’ girl to be a ‘yes’ girl in a face-to-face interaction than trying to do so on phone. You should always aim for the romantic connection. I do not recommend collecting phone numbers of ‘maybe’ girls. It can get depressing since majority of them will end up wasting your time on the phone.
In my opinion, it is not healthy psychologically for you to keep a ‘maybe’ girl in your mind since you will have to call her and plan on what to text at what time etc. It is actually a low valued thing to do. People who respect them selves will NEVER keep chasing on the phone. It’s not worth it if the return on investment is very low with ‘maybe’ girls on the phone. I do not mind temporarily persuading a woman face-to-face and dealing with the rejection on the spot. If you think about it, it is not that much of an investment to merely talk to a woman for 5-10 minutes while having fun. At least I will know where I stand with her. I would not have to go home and think about her as if she is an important facet in my life when I do not even know her.
*Obviously there are exceptions when a guy gets lucky with a ‘maybe’ girl on the phone, however, this is not a consistent theme in his life or it would never be considered ‘lucky’. In order to get ‘lucky’, you will have to go through the pile of frustrations while learning nothing to improve your odds. I find that to consistently get women of decent quality and beyond, you need a consistent system- especially for stranger approaching*
I would go as far to say that if you get 10 numbers after creating a romantic connection aka “converted ‘YES’ girls”, you should be able to sleep with at least 6/10 women. I am being modest here. However, if you get 10 numbers from ‘maybe’ girls you will bed probably NONE. Maybe 1/10 once in a blue moon with a lower quality woman or just pure luck. But to get lucky you have to play incredible odds and most people just do not get that lucky so it is not worth pursuing in that way.
This also explains why I have had success with higher quality woman AFTER learning The Domino Effect. A high quality girl will have many options in her social life with a bunch of orbiters and will never say yes if it’s a ‘maybe’. However, when I get a romantic connection with a higher quality woman, she will readily say ‘YES’ since she is now romantically into me and wants it just as much as me. There’s no way around getting a romantic connection before hand in stranger approaching. Without it, you will play an unfair numbers game.
Establishing the ‘romantic connection’ in the first interaction is the cure to all evils.
Many people seem to believe that “GAME” does not exist and it is simply a numbers game and nothing more.
I see it differently. If it was only a numbers game, then it would make no sense to learn anything. The better your game skill-set, lifestyle, and mentality (and much more) then the higher your percentages. For instance, the prettier the girl, the more attention she gets. Same way with self improvement. You become more attractive by enhancing the different aspects of your life such as, fashion, style, lifestyle, inner phycology, looks, fitness etc. Think about it…Can’t every single point mentioned help you become a happier and more attractive person to be around?
This is a question and answer e-mail that i recently had about this issue.
“Hey justin thanks for the video and ive improved and gotten laid twice. however, From my experience and time in the game; Ive learned that women either like you or they dont. I mean, i dont understand how you make women like you. I mean so many women walked away from me when i was talking to them and then some just were not interested and then i had the few that were. Some times all i did was look at them up and down then they would give me eye contact and i would open. They wouldn’t hold my hand back. I would then lean in and ask what perfume their wearing. If she made a awkward gaze i knew she was not interested. My only conclusion is no matter how bold you are or how skilled and flirty you get with women if she does not like you, she just doesnt like you. I feel like the community has told men lies that you can get any woman to like you or that once you learn a method you can get any girl. what is your take Justin? “
Hey John,
Good Analysis. I am a dating coach, I do not endorse all of the original PUA teachings. Some make sense, some are just a fad.
Game DOES help you score with a higher percentage of women if done right. However, There is still a huge element outside of your control. The most you can do is improve yourself and your game (skill set and approach selection). Remember… game is a NUMBERS GAME (things out of your control) vs YOUR GAME ( things in your control). Thus, focus on the things in your control to maximize odds in stranger approaching.
Don’t forget the article i wrote about what “good” game is. I know how it feels like its just a numbers game, thats because you havent been gaming for long. As your game improves over time so will your percentages. Everyones maximum potential may differ depending on different elements such as their General Intelligence, Social Intelligence, Emotional intelligence, mindset, performance ability, personality stereotypes, vibes, style etc.
I would say give it a year or two to truly know your potential.
One thing to note,
I read you talking about many “awkward” interactions you faced. I agree, many of girls will not be comfortable etc. There is a principle behind this…
Many guys view this as “the particular girl is not attracted to me and never will be”. The corrected term is that the girl is not RECEPTIVE at this instance. Receptiveness basically is the reaction a girl gives you on that particular second of that day. It can be for a VARIETY of reasons such as
– she is in a bad mood
– she is totally not in a social mood and it is just to much
– she just came of the phone with her boyfriend,father, friend issue.
– She has to go to the bathroom
– She recently got approached by a creeper.
– She has a 10 page paper to go home and write.
– may not be into you or your stereotype
– may be going through a hard time at work
It goes on and on. This is apart of the “numbers game” (things out of your control). The funny thing is that maybe if you approached her and hr later instead when her mind was clear, she would of been more receptive and thus allow more time for her to become attracted to you and interested in what you have to offer. Same girl, different time.
I remember when there was a hot girl a long time ago walking down the street near my friends store. I tried to stop her and she said “im not interested” and she walked away.I remember 3 weeks later, I saw her walking again in the same area, I stopped her and she was more receptive ( she didn’t even remember that I was the same guy she rejected). We spoke and exchanged numbers and I ended up closing the deal eventually. If I believed I simply “wasn’t her type” then I would of never approached her again.
I understand that THE WAY women meet men really alters the views and attraction for that man. I’ve seen it time and time again. Thats why it’s much easier to get girls through social circle, because you are not coming in at lower value on the street.
That being said, for me, game is not only a numbers game because my percentages are DRAMATICALLY higher than they used to be when I wasn’t getting much lays with hotter girls. And beyond what I’m saying to these girls, my vibe is ever present and girls can feel it, this is what really helps to suck them in. Vibe is a very deep concept, but we all feel it and can sense if from others. The vibe is one thing I know can grow over time like fine wine, when a man slowly grows more confident and comfortable within himself as a sexual being. This can not be done by a mere conscious decision, but it will happen slowly over time as long as you continue talking to women and get more experiences. That’s the difference between a guy who gets a lot of results saying and doing the same thing as they guy who is still struggling. (everything else equal)
Stranger Approaching is something that no man should ever rely on. Even with the best ‘Pick Up SKills’, it can still lead to depression if not done right.
Despite my success, I’ve experienced depression while I was getting a lot of girls a few years ago. The main reason is this. No matter how good you are, you will always be ‘treated’ as a stranger, which is not healthy feedback for your mind. You will always fail more than you succeed in stranger approach. This is for reasons sometimes beyond our control.
Therefore, you will never truly feel like a winner if you had to climb mountains to get a girl. Why? because you will always be coming from a place of scarcity if you use the hardest approach to meet women.
The funny thing is, if naturals mostly meet girls in their social circle, then why would people who are not natural try to do stranger approach which is 10 times harder???
Thats why most people never really get good at it. Its not meant for you to get laid every day. It’s merely used to help you become a man of social value to people and actually develop cool social circles.
It came to a point where I would have friends who met women through social circles and they would feel much more confident than me even though i’ve had far more success with women than them!
Why would someone feel more confident than me if I get more girls than them?
Well, thats because in his world, he met girls the safe way. He didn’t go in the streets and failed many times. He didn’t have to hyper-analyse himself to make the ‘perfect’ approach work for the ‘perfect stranger’. All he did was live his life, and met women occasionally through friends and warmer approaches.
Me, on the other had, went out and developed over the top pick-up and seduction skills just to get girls in the most difficult situations like the street. Yes, I was far better with women than him in quality and quantity. However, to get to that stage I endured many mental sufferings.
I am not trying to bash the idea of stranger approaching because it has value when your success rate increases. However, it should be viewed as a ‘niche’ and understood that it is not designed for a man to have true social fulfillment.
So what is there to learn from all of this?
The key is to have a healthy balance between SOCIAL CIRCLE and STRANGER APPROACHING.
Here’s a perfect song for this. Even the LEGEND Jim Morrison from THE DOORS sang about how much it sucks being a stranger when trying to meet people.
Yours Truly,
Justin Wayne.
P.S. My mission is NOT to be RIGHT, it is to find the TRUTH.
One who seeks the truth will always leave his theory opened for revision…
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