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Familiarity Breeds Attraction

I will attempt to explain why familiarity breeds attraction and how we can utilize this knowledge to the fullest.

DEFINE:

This is a scientific concept that suggests that we are attracted to what we see around us the most. It is true that EVERYTHING we see and hear affects us either consciously or subconsciously at some level.

When we look at how our parents dressed in the past, it looks very weird and ‘not cool’ because we are not familiar with that style in our day to day modern lives.  For example, in the early nineties, people use to wear extremely baggy clothes. That time it was normal for the ‘cool’ people to dress this way. Same applies for slangs, games, way of socializing etc.

Same applies to humans of different races. This is the reason for natural prejudices between all races. Let’s take an American white girl who grew up with mostly white friends and dated mostly white men. She will be more easily attracted to what she already knows. Same, applies to other races.

Another example is how the media dictates what is “beautiful” or “handsome”.  During the renaissance period, a few centuries ago, people such as Leonardo da Vinci aided in setting the standard of beauty for that generation which were more “chubby” or “plump” women.

She is what was considered perfection

The same concept applies to modern day beauty. In the media, most of the celebrities are caucasian. Most of the models are very thin. Nothing is wrong with this, this is just the way it is. So what happens to everyone in the world? They see this in movies and music ALL the time and become FAMILIAR with a certain image/stereotype of them. Same applies with blacks in media. They show them mostly as street thugs hence a black guy just ‘looks’ more alpha than a white guy from the depiction of music and movies. I do not think there is any conspiracy behind this or anything. The fact is that the white population is far bigger than other minorities, it is only natural to have a higher percentage of white celebrities.

This concepts goes much deeper. Familiarity can also be related to other things like cars, websites, food, music etc.

HOW IS THIS RELATED TO PICK UP?

Firstly, I would like to make a further distinction to perfect this phrased ideology.

I do not think that ‘familiarity’ directly ‘breeds’ attraction.

Instead, Familiarity breeds COMFORT! And comfort allows ATTRACTION to enter. If a girl is not socially comfortable with you, she will not be receptive to your game.

Think about it. I am a black man of caribbean descent. Assuming that I grew up around black-caribbean women, it would be easier for me to feel more comfortable around a NEW black girl as opposed to if ( everything else equal ) I met a NEW white girl who I have less in common with. I will feel more comfortable with what I am familiar with. This will make the process easier for me to deal with.

Now, this is NOT ONLY racial. This is within subcultures and stereotypes.

Let’s say there is a white college jock and he approaches a white Goth girl. He would have a harder time getting her as a jock than if he was a goth kid himself ( ceteris paribus/ everything else equal.) Why? She is not familiar with hanging around and connecting with the jock type. Hense, if he was a goth white kid, her familiarity with his stereotype will help to breed FAMILIARITY which will ultimately make her feel more COMFORTABLE and OPEN to him. After this is established, it will make it much easier for him to generate ATTRACTION because she is more open to his kind/stereotype. It’s very difficult to attract a girl without comfort, especially when a woman is sober.

This is also the reason why minorities will experience difficulties trying to pick up girls outside of their race. I can lie to the world and say it does not matter what race you are… but that would be bullshit. Now, once the girl is very into the minority, then he can use that romantic connection to get her and keep her. However, interms of the “pick-up” aspect, they will have a harder time establishing BASIC SOCIAL COMFORT. Without it, there is no attraction.

This is the reason why I never really liked online game as a means to pick up hotter women of other races. I can verify that all the girls in my ‘LAY REPORTs SECTION’ would not even respond to me if I messaged them online as a stranger. They would instantly ignore me and in rare cases message me back just because they were bored. However, I would not be able to get a date from them because they would have stereotyped me and there would be NO familiarity.

Here is a GREAT post this matter that even OKCUPID spoke about interms of the response rates that different races of men were receiving. Here is a post that talks about this issue HERE.

HOW CAN WE UTILIZE THIS IN PICK-UP?

We've all been there

That’s what I like about gaming face-to-face, I can use language and conversational topics to relate to them more and make them feel COMFORTABLE with me so they can see past the stereotype they may have of me. This will allow me to create attraction and progressively escalate to the bedroom and beyond.

 My first goal, regardless of opening direct or indirect, is to establish some Basic Social Comfort with the girl to make her more familiar with me. This is easier said than done. After coaching for three years, most guys have no idea of whether they have enough comfort or not. It’s not their fault. Women will talk to you and be polite and not necessarily feel connected to you. It’s not easy to tell.

If you notice some of my ‘infield videos’. I usually have a social vibe in the beginning. Some guys who are really insecure with their manhood would say “he seems like he is being too friendly, or he is not being agressive enough, or he seems to shakey”. Here is the truth. The way I engage some of the girls outside my race are in a certain way to what they are familiar with. If I actually spoke to them like my GANGSTER cousins in Brooklyn New York. They will NOT look at me as alpha, they will simply be creeped out. THEY are NOT FAMILIAR with that kind of behavior. I know this because I used to be very agressive and loved to fight in my younger days. I used to be in the wrong company when I was in my teens and I temporarily dropped out of school due to gang wars. It was serious.  I hung out with real guys in the streets and they get women from their reputation, not because they are agressive in general.

OLD ME:


Many guys asked me “How do you do so well with other races so seamlessly?”

Simple. I spent my teens in the Caribbean. My vibe was very RAW and I had a thick Caribbean accent that sounded too rough. When I came back to America, I noticed that I just couldn’t connect with most people on a deeper level easily. Not even with African-American girls. The only girls I connected with were Caribbean. This was because that was all I was familiar with. One thing I did to help me understand different races/subcultures was to listen to their music, television shows etc. I even watched shows like Gossip Girl, 90210, etc to slowly understand the mind of the modern spoiled and overly feminized American women. This was all done as an experiment just to see if it would help. I also followed celebrity news just to learn about it. I noticed when I re-applied this in pick up, it changed the dynamics. I even changed the way I spoke to them;using a funny and quirky vibe since thats what they are more familiar with in general. It made a difference interms of getting them connected. I did other thing also.

You would probably notice that sometimes I would have this young kid vibe while engaging younger girls… I do it because that is what they are familiar with. That familiarity breeds comfort, which later breeds attraction.

Even in mini subcultures, there is a totally different set of languages used with an 18 year old  vs a 28 year old. There are new things that are cool. There are newer definitions of what  ‘cool’ is. This is where the pick up is an ART. I have successfully developed a UNIVERSAL style that helps me to lay a higher variation of girls. (Keep in mind, I do have to adjust minor things)

That’s why OLDER MEN must be in with the times of fashion, news, trends etc. The social subtleties keep evolving slowly and it’s good to keep up-to-date. I even listen to new hippie music now just to get a feel for whats out there. In short, stay relevant.

DISCLAIMER:

I am very well aware that the argument of  “why should one change himself while engaging the woman”…

ALL OF THESE POINTS ARE WHAT OCCURS MOST FREQUENTLY. We do not care about the 1% chance. That is not what efficiency is all about. 

I am coming from an extremely scientific aka trial-and-error aka statistical approach to solving and refining pick up. I am not saying that you SHOULD change yourself. I am saying this is what can be done to INCREASE your ODDS. If you want to just do what you want, fine.

Also, I am NOT saying that every man should act quirky. People will have to find their own balance. I had to use quirky due to my stereotype and original vibe that I conveyed. Some guys need to be more calm, while other guys look too playerish, while other guys… you get the point. That’s why I am a dating coach, I assist men with developing their style.

Furthermore,

The idea of CHANGING YOURSELF is rather complex. Do you act the exact same way to your mother as you would to your girlfriend? DO you act the same way to your boss as you would to your child?

NO. If you do, you probably have aspergers.

However, I do agree that you do not want to go against your core. But that’s a different topic for a different night 🙂

About justinwaynedating

Dating Coach

21 responses to “Familiarity Breeds Attraction

  1. E Honda ⋅

    Justin, your logic is solid. I LOVE THIS POST!

    You are the best pick up artist in the public domain. You prove the bottom line which is sex consistently.

    You are a great writer! I know your book will be deep and very insightful based on the very little writings you have.

    Thanks for such amazing content mate.

    When are you coming to London??

  2. I will come sometime in Fall. Hopefully.

  3. Sensual ⋅

    Epic post!!! This is makes so much sense on many levels for me.
    I like the part where you talk about the watching 90210 to get in their frequency of thinking to make them more comfortable. The best part is that you have the results to prove it unlike almost every other pua.

    JW, what kind of shows did you look at to help you with the Asian women?

    • it depends on your natural vibe and success rate in making Asian women comfortable. It also depends on her subculture. For example, gaming an Asian girl who is a hippie and hangs out with different races all the time, then it would be different than gaming an Asian girl who on;y really hangs out with Asians. All in all, the key is to find a m,ore universal style so you do not have to adapt all the time.

  4. bogspua

    Solid post, totally agree. I am in same position like you I have way too confident body language that is also looks slightly aggressive, I had to tune it down significantly as well as using softer verbal game and my interactions with girls improved drastically due those adjustments. As a result my verbal game looks much like yours.

    If you ever consider to come to Toronto and give seminar or bootcamp please let me know.

    • I’m glad you recognized this on your own. Many of the guys who stress conveying aggressive behavior are guys who really need it like if they are very short and skinny , or just come across very timid. Ultimately, results (sexual relationships) will tell you where you are. If being relaxed is getting you laid.. do it. If being more aggressive helps another unique individual to get laid… then they should do it.

      Yea I am planning on doing a tour to launch my new book thats coming out in the summer. Toronto is on the demand list. The easiest way is to subscribe on the “Follow” button down below.

  5. “This is the reason why I never really liked online game as a means to pick up hotter women of other races.”

    Here’s why I like it. The women outside of your race who generally respond to you ARE open to dating you, sleeping with you, etc. And it’s much less work getting them to bed, much less game, everything flows easier.

    But yea…I see nothing wrong with what you did in regards to keeping up in terms of music, fashion, tv shows, etc. That provides value and having things in common. I don’t even think that’s “changing” yourself; it’s more like expanding your horizons.

    • I agree with you that online is good for finding out girls that are “already” predisposed to you. Therefore, you already fit their stereotype right away since they are familiar with dating that type of guy.

      However, the girls that I want that are hotter girls of other races generally won’t meet me from online. However, If i message a load of girls, many average and ugs girls will respond.

      So yes, if i just want sex and a good time and not care about how hot they are, then online is a great way to preserve my value from getting constantly rejected and flaked. It’s lower investment per meet-to-sex. The trade off is lower quality girls.

      I do recommend people to do it if they just want sex and don’t care about getting a trophy lay.

      its just hard for me to get the quality of girls that im accustomed to from online due to me NOT fitting in their stereotype and subculture.

      Therefore, day-game or social circle is the only solution to create attraction with these girls who are not naturally into me off the bat.

  6. “However, the girls that I want that are hotter girls of other races generally won’t meet me from online.”

    There’s a method to the madness. But I’ve been on some dates with some real stunners in the past few months. Of course, it’s a numbers game just like the streets are, but the advantage is you can play an even bigger numbers game, cast a wider net. I’m talking about Shooting out 50 or so messages in 15 minutes. Eventually, SOMEBODY is gonna meet your standards and it takes less time.

    • Keep in mind that the type of girls that you may consider hot enough for you may be different than the ones i’m aiming for. I tried doing the mass messaging. Most of the times, the girls will be avg-ugly. Rarely, I would get a hotty that I’M into. For me, the return on investment is higher approaching girls in person.

      After I have sex with hotter women I always try and ask them a few question in bed such as “where you into right away , ” am i your type, do you normally dig black guys, etc”. Many of the hotter girls said no and that I grew on them during the initial pickup. However, im sure if I do message crazy amounts of girls I will be able to meet a hot one that just happens to be into my type and who just moved in the area.IN MOST CASES, the HOTTER girls I’m into are not naturally into me. However, I have a system that works for me in person for girls that are not initially into me.

      maybe you can do a post with how you deal with the online dating.

  7. Pua2011 ⋅

    Damn all these time i thought you were African American—- but dam you changed alot but why did you decide to learn pick up when you look like the last guy that would be interested in it

    • I moved to a new country, I had NO social circle and did not connect easily with most girls outside of caribbean cultures. WHen I went to college i decided to research and a slowly kept trying on my own, then i found out about other guys doing the same thing.

  8. Chucks ⋅

    Very discourging post Justin for a black average looking guy like me it seems like its going to take nearly 2000 approaches just to get laid

    • no, it depends on the girls you game. If you are black and love black girls, you will score a higher percentage with the girls within your subculture… If you are going girls outside of your subculture it will be a lower percentage. The problem was that I go after girls outside my subculture.ANd i was talking about ONLINE game you do not have a chance to run “GAME” so they shoot you down quickly.

  9. Bob ⋅

    Hi Justin, so your book will not be in ebook format? Ok, I totally understand that.

    But I live in Shanghai, is there any way I can get a hard-copy from you?

    • I have not decided the format yet. However, the publisher company will be responsible for selling the books. Subscribe to the “follow” link on the bottom of the page to get updated when videos and books come out.

  10. Pingback: PUA Express » Familiarity Breeds Attraction

  11. Cam_Dash ⋅

    great post men, i also had the same problem in the beginning being a Nigerian with an accent and no social skills, i realized that while hanging out with white friends at school, i found it a bit easier to talk 2 white girls and they are more receptive to me than black girls since my vibe had been tuned to white ppls, and now that i’m hanging out with my black friends, black girls became easier …

  12. Superman

    Great post. Was waiting for you to address exactly this, how it’s different running game being a brotha. It’s good knowing I’m not just playing the race card when it comes to online game.

  13. Sean ⋅

    I have been reading up on the world of PUA’s right now, from Neil Strauss to David Deangelo. Your style seems not to have any gimmicks or games, you just talk straight up and direct and you’re successful. Do you ever approach singles or groups in Clubs or bars or is most of your progress done in the streets? Either way your game is solid.

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